Today's reading is from Paul's letter to the Romans, Chapter 2.
"Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. And we know that the judgment of God rightly falls upon those who practice such things. But do you suppose this, O man, when you pass judgment on those who practice such things and do the same yourself, that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance? But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who will render to each person according to his deeds..."
This reminds me of the story in the book of John (chatper 8) where Jesus meets the woman who is being chased by a mob of accusers and tells the mob, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
In the Romans 1, Paul talks a lot about how people slipped away from God and began doing things that kept them from the love of God. He lists a pretty intense set of offenses -- greed, envy, murder, to name just a few. Then he immediately goes into the quote above.
Keep in mind that when these letters were written, they weren't divided up into chapters with headers. They were later divided into chapters and verses for easier reading and reference. But originally, these paragraphs and ideas were written as a single unit.
So were the sins that he was referencing in Chapter 1 just a list of sins for reference? So that we can judge what is sin and not sin? Or if we keep the chapters together, is Paul saying hey, people do good and people do bad. We are in a life of struggle and imperfection. Even the seemingly most devout do things on occasion by intention and otherwise that distract them from their relationship with God.
The question is, what do we hold onto? Do we hold onto the judgement of others -- and of self -- above kindness, tolerance and patience? Paul says above that the kindness of God leads us to repentance. Not judgement, not coercion, not punishment, but kindness.
I have done things in my life that I am not proud of. I have done good things, but I have also acted in ways that have hurt myself and others. During these times, it has been really easy to beat myself up, to listen to the condemnation in my own heart and look for it from others as well. I have to admit that when I'm in that space, it is difficult for me to open my heart to God because it is so full of doubt and disappointment.
In these spaces, there is nothing someone else could say to me, no judgement more harsh, than what I'd already said to myself.
The times that I was humbled -- not just ashamed but stripped of pride and completely open like an empty cup -- were the moments during these low times where someone showed me kindness and forgiveness. It didn't feel like a "get out of jail free" card, or even like a reprieve. It felt like grace -- a gift that is unearned, given from love. And in this gift was a light that I might follow back to God.
Holding onto judgement, for others or for ourselves, does not always serve ourselves or God. It keeps us in that place of anger, hurt, defensiveness and those dark places that perpetuate themselves. But if we do our best to let go of the judgement, to focus on God, on kindness, on love, then we create for ourselves and for each other a path to light and life in Christ.
